Tuesday, 3 November 2009

All or nothing

It's just as well I've never done drugs.
I'm a bit of an 'All or Nothing' kinda girl, so I probably wouldn't be burbling away to myself today if I had tried much more than a few exploratory aromatic puffs in my early 20s (my response was "Is THAT what all the fuss is about?" Coincidentally, precisely my same reaction to another not so momentous first - but that's another story).

It's not just illicit substances - I'm just not capable of having "just one" of anything.
When I smoked, I could happily wheeze my way through a couple of packs before even noticing that my mouth and throat felt and smelt like the sad remains of a bonfire on a rainy November morning.
I've been known to gulp my way through 12 cups of coffee in a day, and then wonder why I can't sit still.
And don't even get me started on tea, especially when back in the home of the cuppa....

And then there's biccies.

I rarely buy cakes or biscuits. When I do, all it takes is for me to break the seal to be possessed by a creature that is somewhere between the Cookie Monster and Taz the Tasmanian Devil. My intentions may be pure ("Just a couple of Rich Teas with my cuppa") but the moderate, halo-crowned Alter Ego on my right shoulder is quickly shouted down and beaten to a sobbing pulp by the red & black-clad Mini Me waving a pitchfork next to my left ear. A flurry of unwrapping follows, then much crunching and spraying of crumbs. Before you know it, all that's left is a dejected looking bit of plastic that once housed some digestives.

You can imagine the carnage when there are Chocolate Bourbons, Fig Rolls or Jammy Dodgers in the house.

That same 'All or Nothing' attitude bleeds over into other aspects of my life. Whether it's love, friendship, beliefs or hobbies, I throw myself into it with a fierce and burning passion (I once scared some girl witless with my declarations of friendship. She reacted like I'd suggested we run away and spend the rest of our lives in a Sapphic idyll. For the record, all I fancied was an occasional coffee with someone who made me laugh).

For me, it's no half measures, no compromises. Either that, or I just don't bother.

So, it's probably just as well that I was either too much of a wimp or a nerd in my youth to dabble. If I had, I probably would have given Keef Richards a run for his money (but made a lot less dosh in the process).

On the other hand, it also means that when I set my heart on something, I usually get it.

Speaking of which, where did I put those ginger nuts?


  1. I know exactly what you mean... and having just taken delivery of some multipacks of Marmite crisps and chocolate rich tea biscuits (thank you Mum) I'm struggling to keep out of the cellar where I've stored them!


  2. They have Marmite crisps now? Oh my dear lord, I'd better keep well away from them!

  3. OOOH, ginger nuts... I once went through two packages in one evening, justifying myself by eating two of them and then getting up and going back into the kitchen for two more over and over again. I figured the walking back and forth burned off the calories.

    My latest foray in Brussels cost me ONE and a HALF KILOS! and we were only "there" 4 days!! (arriving late and departing early on the bracketing travel days!!)

    That all or nothing thing? I know of what you speak...