The day on which the glorious proletariat revolution is celebrated around the world.
The day where every worker marks the sacrifices made by his forefathers.
The day when….
No, sorry, wrong version.
Rewind please. I forgot – socialism is just soooo last decade. Even the socialists aren’t lefties any more, and just thinking about a workers’ revolution is rather passé these days.
No, May 1st is one of those days when all around England full-grown men put on their cricket whites and then tie ribbons and bells around their arms and legs (some even go as far as criss-crossing their chests). Then they don special bowler hats adorned with more ribbons and bells, adding a few sprigs of flowers and herbs for good measure.
The really lucky ones will even get a dried cow’s bladder (decorated with – you guessed it – ribbons and bells) to shake around.
Then these fine examples of English manhood gather on village greens around the country, where a massive tall pole is erected with yet more ribbons flowing down (note the heavy symbolism). Those ribbons are then grasped firmly by the Morris Men (for they are our macho Englishmen), who then dance round and round, gradually trying themselves up in knots around the Maypole.
All in the name of fertility rites, of course (bloody pagans)….
Good to know that my countrymen are such a manly lot!
(And they ask me why I ever left!?!)