I woke
up shivering as the first light of the day crept through the blinds. I’d fallen
asleep in the armchair again, TV blaring out the same old, same old. The morning chill
made my bare legs look like chicken flesh, so I pulled on my jeans and went
looking for some socks. Then to the kitchen to make some tea. Black. I haven’t
left the flat to get milk - or anything else - for days.
I can’t
seem to get enough of the news these days. It’s nothing but doom and gloom but
I can’t stop watching. Like an obsession, addiction even. Can’t bear the
thought that I might miss something. Some special message, meant only for me,
hidden in the reports.
I tell
myself to snap out of it. Move on. But how can I? I’d built myself a new life,
and now it’s been smashed to pieces.
So I
sit here, all day, watching the flickering screen, hoping for a sign. Waiting
patiently, loyally, for the call. When it comes, I’ll be ready.
The Evening Star – 25 March
'People’s Prophet' to stand trial on terrorism charges
A cult leader accused of
masterminding a terrorist plot to bring down the Government is to stand trial.
A preliminary hearing today ruled that the 37-year-old accused, who refused to
give a name or address, was mentally competent to face the unspecified charges.
Throughout the ten-minute
hearing, the self-proclaimed ‘People’s Prophet’ refused to acknowledge the
court or enter a plea. He also waived his right to legal counsel.
Due to national security
concerns, the trial will be held in
camera, closed to the press and public.
Magda’s Journal: 26 March
I saw
him on the news. He looked so small, so lost, alone, in a badly fitting suit
that only someone with a grudge could have picked out.
They
all thought he was invincible. I was the only one who knew the lost little boy
behind all the fire, the passion. And I was the only one who could give him
what he needed, so he could give them what they needed.
But
now, he’s not talking to anyone and won’t see anyone. Or so they say.
None of
our friends are talking to me either. It’s like we never happened. They’ve all
gone to ground, denying they ever knew him.
I’m the only one left.
My
phone is filled with texts from reporters. The same ones who dismissed us as
deluded hippies before. They’re clambering over themselves and drooling at the
thought of an exclusive. They’ll get nothing from me.
There’s
one person I can talk to, even though it’s been more than a year since I swore
I’d have nothing more to do with him. A year since I put myself through the
wringer and came out the other end, clean. And for what?
Jimmy
sent me a text as soon as the news broke. He was still my friend, he said. He
was there for me if I needed anything, he said. We all know what ‘anything’ he
was thinking about, don’t we?
Old
habits die hard, especially when they carry the promise of blissful escape.
A Letter from Thomas
Dear Magda,
By the
time you get this letter, I’ll be gone. I’ll post it before I board the ferry,
but I won’t tell you where I’m going. It’s better you don’t know.
I hope
you’ve managed to stay clean and healthy. I know it’s hard for you, with
everything that’s happened. It’s hard for us all. I had to get away. Sorry I
couldn’t stay.
You
should leave too. Nothing good will come from waiting around for some kind of
miracle to happen. You’ve got to start thinking about what’s best for you now.
Forget him, and start putting Magda first, for once.
I know
you won’t. You never would listen when I tried to reason with you about his
so-called “mission”. You were always free of the doubts that haunted me, but
I’m afraid that certainty will hurt you now.
We’ve
had our differences, but I always cared for you. Now, I can’t bear the thought
of you falling back into the life you had before. I have to try, at least one
more time, to get you to see reason.
Please,
think about it. He’s not worth it. You are.
With
love,
Thomas
Magda’s Journal: 28 March
I left
the flat yesterday. After seeing him on the news, I decided I had to see him,
let him know I was still his.
I
showered, put on clean clothes, even fixed my hair, and took the bus. Though my
heart was pounding in my ears and my hands shaking the whole way, I knew it
would be worth it just to see his face again, hear him speak - only for me.
But he
made them turn me away. He wouldn’t even leave the cell.
How could he be so
cruel?
After everything I’ve done for him? Giving up everything I knew to give
him the comfort that only I could see he needed?
When I
got back, the letter from Thomas was waiting for me. I knew what it would say, but I read
it anyway. Blah, blah, blah. He thinks he’s so logical, so superior. He just
doesn’t understand. His precious letter’s now just another piece of paper
gathering teacup stains on the table. It doesn’t mean a thing.
I’ve
been thinking more and more about Jimmy....
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