Who you befriend has always been something that requires care and judgement. And that has never been more true than today, with the plethora of chat rooms and personal home pages we all love to surf. And just like surfing the waves in Hawaii, surfing Cyberspace requires caution – because there are sharks out there swimming amongst the angel fish and friendly dolphins.
Of course, I’m not talking about you LOVELY people but a certain brand of annoying anonymous idiots... I’m sure you know who I’m on about.
Most ladies on-line face a constant barrage of unsolicited messages from would-be Romeos (who seriously need to get a life) wanting to flirt, flatter and bombard us with images - both mental and physical - that we frankly are not in the market for.
No, thank you very much, I have no desire to see a close-up of what really - I mean REALLY - should be kept within the comfines of your Y-Fronts. Nor do I want to add to your "Naughty Gallery".
What I DO want to do is reach my arm through Cyberspace, wring your scrawny neck, slap some sense into you and give you a wedgy to remember me by.
So, please, just GO AWAY!
I am online to air some of my views and hopefully have some intelligent conversation with like-minded folk that I would otherwise probably never have the chance to meet. My profile and blog entries make it very clear I’m not in the market for cyber-nooky or anything approaching it, and yet I still have to ward off stupid messages starting with “Hello pretty eyes” and “I dream about you all the time” (No, you bloody well don't!).
Oh god, how boring!
Not only are these online Lotharios irritating, they’re also horribly unoriginal. They all come out with the same lines. I mean, honestly, at least try and come up with something a little more inspired that the cyber equivalent of “Do you come here often?”
Whenever one of THOSE messages pops up I get a mental image of the sender. Deep in the bowels of their darkened bedroom, surrounded by piles of dirty underwear and discarded comic books, ignoring pleas from their Mum to go out and get some fresh air, slathering over the keyboard as they obsessively send moronic messages to people they’ll never meet and desperately beat the meat at the thought that someone might just respond.
Does ANYONE respond to these modern-day creatures from the Black Lagoon and their ridiculously unoriginal opening gambits? I mean….. really?
Most of us come ready equipped with my degree of common sense and judgement – and we know how to hit the “Delete” and “Block” buttons. And so, the folk I call my online friends are genuinely smart, interesting and decent people.
It just takes one pervo to ruin the whole experience, and in our eagerness to reach out and connect with others, its scarily easy to reveal much more about ourselves that we realise. So let's be careful. It’s sad that we should have to be so wary of the friends we make in Cyberspace, but the truth is that there is just an “r” separating the friends from the fiends.