Thursday, 4 November 2010

The science of the bleedin' obvious

After considering the world-scattering revelation that chocoloate produces a stronger and longer buzz than a passionate kiss (depends on the chocolate, or the kiss, I s'pose), I've been thinking about those scientific findings that hit the tabloid headlines every now and again.

If you believe the likes of the Daily Mail et al, scientists seem to spend most of their time and mountains of research grant money on detailed studies that come to conclusions about things we already know.

Another one that sticks in my mind is the finding that "Modern life puts stress on the heart".

No shit, Sherlock.
I'll have to pass on this news to my Ovver Arf, though I think he may have a sneaking suspicion, having suffered a minor heart attack brought on by extreme stress - not caused my me, I hasten to add - at the tender age of 39.

I wonder what will be next?
That we feel more positive when the sun is shining and birds are singing?
That water is good for you?
Or that regular bowel movements help prevent bloating?

Now, I'm pretty sure that the boffins of the world actually spend most of their time on things way beyond stuff I have already worked out by using my own common sense or general knowledge.
I just wish they'd tell us.
Or more to the point, I wish the headline writers would tell us.

I want to know the secrets of the Universe, the winning number for the lottery (just once will do), how to make maximum profit with minimum effort, or how to REALLY banish baggy eyes and cellulite - for ever (yeah, right).

So, let's give the news of the bleeding obvious a wide berth for the meantime. Well, at least until they can tell us the Meaning of Life and we can finally relax with a nice cup of tea and the perfect dunking biscuit (identified by a special study using a complex chemical formula, of course).

1 comment:

  1. Why don't the scientists just ask US about what chocolate does for you? They could save themselves a lot of research money.